Received

I got my receipt yesterday from Baylor and they said I won't hear anything until February/March. Here we go. Lots of nothing for a while. Surely having a house on the market and subbing a lot will fill the emptiness. December will fly, January will be super slow but I need to be pushing Erik to do our taxes so I can fill out my FASFA. 5 months of subbing (maybe?) then 2 months of summer moving and dental school begins. Really wierd, huh?

Flossing

There are a few things in life that are very simple to do, good for you, and in the long run, cost effective, but for some reason SOOO hard to actually do. Flossing is one. Spending time with God, at least where I am right now, is another. It's strangely so hard to get back on the wagon (?) but once you're on, it's fun and you look forward to the ride. I've hopped on and off for a while now, but there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't be in for the long haul. Don't get me wrong, I really do think about God a lot during the day and sing to Him and pray, but really, during the life changing moments it's stupid not to really be studying and reveling in every drop of the Word that I can. I want the skills I gain in dental school to be used for His kingdom and to keep that focus, I, well, need to focus. I have this routine of putting my nightguard in denture cleaner to soak and then hopping on the computer to update my blog, for example, and check the 5 or so other sites I routinely go to throughout the day. At least 20 minutes. There is no reason I should be doing this and then lament the fact that I'm just not in the Word. So. Nightguard cleaning time is now sacred...set apart...holy. I have plenty of time to update this stuff later.

I Accept!

I sent in my acceptance letter to Baylor today with my first tuition payment...a deposit of $200. Small beans. I also mailed my rejection to Houston...but I held on to my SA letter per Erik's request and, well, just a feeling that it's a good idea to always have a back-up. Maybe I should send in the deposit. I'd have to cross out the check on the "decline" box and recheck the "accept" box. That would be kinda tacky. Eh, who cares? :)

I took my 3rd and final biochemistry test tonight after cramming alllllllll day. Glycolysis and the Krebs Cycle really stink. Good thing I get to do it again next year!

I spent some time tonight perusing through Facebook looking for fellow members of BCD class of 2011. There were actually a few out there with me who have claimed it so very early and posted it for all to see on their Facebook page. Kinda fun. So exciting to think about all the new faces and personalities I'll be spending 4 years with!

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

We're going to Dallas. I cried, we hugged, we laughed enough to ease the tension. We shared some really important things and made plans to let Erik win. There's no real solution to our problem, but it's one of those things that will go away with time. Eventually, we will joke about it without hurting any feelings, but for now it's hard. And that doesn't spoil things, it's just how it is. So one step at a time, we will begin to make it a reality. Which is really bizarre. I mean REALLY. It's so hard to imagine any of this really happening. But I suppose that's how it is with all the really big things in life. It's hard to imagine, but then when it actually happens we marvel at how it's nothing like what we imagined.

Hat Trick!

The Evidence

Drum roll, please....

Dear Abby,

Congratulations!!!

Your offer letter is in the mail. If you have any questions, please email or call my office.

Happy Holidays!

--Dr. Barbara Miller

Baylor College of Dentistry

Texas A&M Health Science Center

Dallas, Texas

bmiller@bcd.tamhsc.edu

214-828-8231

Accepted to San Antonio!

The message on my answering machine says this:

"Abby, this is Dr. Thomas in San Antonio. I wanted to call and say congratulations! I've put something in the mail to you. The acceptance letter includes a scholarship offer. And I very much hope that you're thinking about coming to San Antonio for the next four years. Please call me back and let me know if you have any questions at all. Again, congratulations! Bye."

A scholarship offer! Those are hard to get! The Lord is good and making my decision complicated!!! ; ) I can't wait to see what the letter says and what the scholarship offer is for. I have NEVER received a scholarship from a SCHOOL. Oh my goodness. I'm on this really weird almost crying, overjoyed, stressed out, relieved high and I don't know what to do so I'm going to paint. And celebrate tonight when we go out to dinner with the Roeders and Moores! I guess Will's dad might be my professor after all!

Ugh.

2 Days! A guy in class tonight said that UTHSCSA sends out their letters at midnight 12/01, so maybe Saturday? Ok, 3 days. Baylor will probably be forever late - like the 8th. Who knows? Ugh.

Torture

I might have a letter or two one week from today. For now, I cower in the study at my in-laws avoiding Omi's constant rambling and my bad chess pie. I pray that tomorrow I can get out away from her most of the day. I really would be doing much better if we weren't living with her for three days. Ugh. Let me say it again...ugh. Once this marathon is over, Monday will bring the week of anticipation. At this point, it really is just torture. In every way imaginable. I join my fellow applicants in SDN as we experience what no one else understands and think about checking the mail on that fateful day. And then the next day, and then again on Monday, and then...

2 Weeks

Gosh! It's really starting to get close! Well, TMOM went very well. When I got there on Friday, no one from Mandy's office was there yet, and there wasn't anything for me to do, so they sent me off to have lunch and return for instructions. It was so busy and crazy and it looked like each doctor had an assistant, so I didn't know what I was in for. When I returned, I found Lisa standing in the hall by an xray machine and I said hello and smiled and asked if anyone else was here yet. She said it was just her and Amy. I asked if she had been told what to do/where to go and she said someone said they needed an xray, but she didn't know how to use it. We glanced at the really cool new portable xray and shrugged our shoulders. I told her I was going to go find the lady I talked to earlier and that I'd see her later. No Mandy, no Ramona. That wasn't so bad. Upon finding Dr. Zinser, I was taken over to Dr. Doerre's chair. He seemed really nice and I asked him to help me get acquainted with the equipment. We were mainly doing restorative, so I was set. He was really nice, and once I got used to the new materials and his way of doing things we were on a roll! We worked well past five, including a quadruple surgical extraction with the very fast and very demanding Dr. Smith and around 6:30 it was time for dinner. Since Erik was working late, I stayed and ate and chatted with Dr. Doerre, listened to his advice concerning a practice, insurance, getting patients, etc. He begged me to return in the morning and help him out, but I told him I just couldn't seeing I needed to clean the floor for Erik. See, I forgot that when Erik is gone, I can't sleep, so getting up at 6:30 was out of the question. When I arrived at noon, he had a very faithful predent from Houston there and I was out of luck considering that there were somewhere around 40 predents from Houston and San Antonio vying for an opportunity to assist. I roamed and observed for a while, and feeling pretty useless, starting looking for something to do. I found my fellow orchestra member, Sandy, filing, so I joined her. In the midst of alphabetizing charts, the data entry team needed someone with dental experience, so I learned the Patterson software and started charting away. When things died down, I went back to the clinic area and continued observing, chatting with the other predents and making runs for instruments/materials when necessary. Overall, it was a great two days.

I left that Sunday for Dallas to visit Baylor on Monday. The day went very well, and I got my questions answered. I feel good about it now. I hope I didn't put Dr. Miller out by asking to come, but it's like Dad says, they need to let people shadow like I did, and it's a good thing I maybe started something new there. Heck, I'll let people shadow me next year! So Erik and I have some talking to do in two weeks. Two weeks, that's all?

TMOM

Tomorrow is the 1st day of Texas Mission of Mercy in Round Rock. I went by today for orientation which turned out to just be t-shirt/ID pick up. My ID still has Mandy's name on it, so Erik and I decided that it would be best to sharpie it out so I don't have to explain anything. I can't wait to start fresh. The biggest deal is just picking up tomorrow and giving it everything I have and learning a lot and more importantly helping a lot of people. That's the whole reason for any of this. And honestly, it's the call I initially felt in Africa when I wanted to have an occupation that would meet the physical needs of people who desparately need help. I want to become a dentist and go to Romania and Mexico and the Dell Diamond and wherever they will take me.

My goal for tomorrow: I won't be the least bit hesitant to try anything they ask me to do. I will communicate any questions I might have. I will be alert and vigilant and thorough even though it seems that I'm going blind and losing my common sense all at the same time. I think I need to get back on my daily vitamins...Hmmm....

29 Days...

29 days and counting. I noticed today that I talk more about leaving Austin in my conversations which is making it a bit more of a reality. Erik took the rest of the week off to tile our...sorry "the" bathroom and finish up the last few big things. I'm sure the realtor will have more suggestions, but we have to give her some place to start. Still haven't talked to anyone up at the old office. Don't really want to. Can I send a key in the mail and feel ok about that? They can sure send my check in the mail. I still find myself rolling back into that self-pity mode when I get in bed at night. I roll around and think about what I would say if I saw any of them again...like at TMOM next week. After all this drama, it makes me nervous to volunteer. I'm going to have to "stack the bodies in the celler, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and pretend like none of this ever happened" and give it 200% that day. I really don't know why I felt compelled to throw that quote in. I'm not that delusional, am I? : ) I'm waiting to hear back from Baylor about shadowing. Turns out that when Kevin called Dr. Miller, he asked her if Baylor had a shadowing program and she said "no" and acted like that was a crazy idea. He told her that San Antonio did, and he wanted to know why Baylor didn't since they need to be competitive for the best of the best. Aye, Kevin. So now, Dr. Miller is looking for a student for ME to shadow in light of this phone call. I don't want her to go out of her way because of Kevin, but don't get me wrong, I do want to see Baylor from that perspective. It's like Erik said, it's a good sign if she's going out of her way for me...eh?

My First Week is Over

I just finished my first week being jobless. It started off with me having to come up with a story. "I'm not working anymore. I'm getting the house ready to sell." Angela didn't buy it, so we had lunch on Friday. I rehashed the whole thing, tears and all, and still feel good about it. She had some supportive words and she prayed for me which was oh, soo good. At rehearsal on Wednesday, it boiled down to the fact that I wasn't in my scrubs and I had to explain myself. When I gave them my line, the reply was, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" And I honestly replied with, "I haven't really decided yet." After a week of well, getting a lot done, I feel good. We'll knock it all out next week and the house should be market-ready. Next weekend, I'll assist at Texas Missions of Mercy at the Dell Diamond. I might run into the "robots" as they call themselves, but maybe not. Tuesday I get signed up with RRISD to sub, so I should be busy. Moving on.

Moving On

This is like a bad break up. Which I never really had. Those were just awkward. This is miserable. The sermon today was about suffering for doing good (1 Peter 3:15ish) and even though I feel like I did nothing wrong, I feel tortured about the whole thing. And I really think it's Satan. I can't help but feel like I could have done more, but in hindsight, I really think it was doomed from the beginning. She wanted 100% from me and that was practically impossible to give. At the beginning, I was running all over the place teaching and schooling and could not really focus. Once summer came, I was applying and really just focused on getting a letter and getting everything sent off. This doesn't mean I didn't do my job, but it was just really hard to have my mind all there. By the time I did have everything turned in, she had already written me off without talking to me about it. When she said she needed help in the fall, I should have left it at that and come to work in the fall. After applications. After interviews. After baby. After we were both ready to focus. Because neither of us really were. I think my problem is just knowing what they think about me. I equate that with my witness and it can really get to me. That's what I couldn't stop thinking about in church today. I honestly think they were misguided and acted irrationally and that doesn't mean I was a bad witness. I honestly feel like this was a bad roommate/good roommate clash all over again. Just like what's her face. Anyway, funny as it isn't, another pre-dent posted on SDN about his awful assisting experience that parallels mine 100%. To the letter. I am not alone. I wish him the best. Yeesh.

It is finished.

I just finished reading over my experience as a dental assistant. Amazingly, between the beginning of September and now, things went downhill really quickly. I would even venture to say that it was the last two - three weeks that really did it. If I had to do it all over again, I think I would. I would've waited until classes were over and teaching was over. I would have been better about sitting down with her and discussing my role and asking for help. I would've been more honest about my frustrations and I would have definitely stood up for myself if it ever got to that point. I wonder how different it would really be, though. Obviously, I can never know. If I had waited and gone to Acuna and gotten to know Dr. Smith....But at this point, I have a really good learning experience under my belt in lots of different ways. I really do pray that I never get so independent that I lose track of what really matters. I hope that I never get so confident that I won't admit when I need advice. I hope that I never get so "good", that I can't admit I make mistakes. I hope that my professional relationships are just that - professional - so that friends won't sway my emotions and business decisions. I hope that I will always stand up for myself, even when it makes people angry. And right now, I hope I get a really good night's sleep. I need some rest.

Hum, de hum, de hum.

I'm just waiting. My job is tedious and I'm learning a lot about communication and how I will run my business. Professionalism is not just something you pride yourself in and then ditch when you aren't around patients. Communication is essential to establish a trusting, comfortable relationship with your employees. If you don't need a position anymore, then you need to tell the employee and maybe help them find new employment. I will not turn into a greedy dentist. I will make enough money as it is.

They are OVER!!

I'm not going to go into the minutia of today's interview at Houston. Needless to say, I'm exhausted and it went well and I have nothing new that makes any school stand out over the other. As Erik and I drove to Austin, we talked about how San Antonio just made sense and we "made a decision". Then I started thinking about it and told him how it did bother me that Grandaddy was getting so old and I wasn't there to enjoy that relationship and wouldn't be there if something ever happened. And it started. I just couldn't stop crying thinking about passing up the chance to be with my family...even if it was only for four years. I have loved being in Austin with Erik, but I always get emotional when I miss those big moments with my family that mean so much. So there is no "decision" and I have 2 1/2 months until THE WORD comes.

Baylor Interview - A summary

Erik and I set out for Baylor College of Dentistry this morning ready to fight the Dallas traffic, and there was none, so we arrived a good hour early. We parked in what turned out to be the wrong parking garage and headed across the street to the school in my new skirt (my pants came back from the cleaners with a seam coming undone) and heels that were too big with hose one (my feet were continuously slipping out, Cinderella style). We found the elevator, found the room, and we were split up while I filled out my form and waited for my pre-interview session which turned out to be just a run-down of the day. I met Aida, who will be at my Houston interview on Monday, so I'll have two buddies there. We then waited for a good hour for the festivities to begin. 7 interviewees, 4 Aggies, 3 girls. We took the elevator down to the conference room where we got the financial aid talk. Then a professor came in to give us the "Why Baylor is so great" talk, and I got a tickle in my throat curtousey of my recent cold, that would not go away. I fought the good fight, and as long as I didn't swallow, I was ok. Until my nose started running and I had to go diving for my kleenex in my purse. Yeesh. At last, we were finished and it was time for lunch. The 4th years met us and took us down to the cafeteria. All three were Aggies?!? We got our Chick-fil-a and settled down to suck up, ask questions and appear to be friendly and sociable. We broke into groups and toured the school...no surprises there...and headed back for interviews. I met with Dr. Wong, Dr. Miller, and Dr. Moore and all three sessions seemed really laid back and went very smoothly. I was really glad that we got there so early, because the others were waiting and "self-touring" while I was getting it over with, and we were out of there by 2:00. I was really impressed with the labs...a lot more than San Antonio. I also like the fact that we don't have to get laptops. I do not like the fact that they brag about how hard they work you while stating that you can get an excellent dental education anywhere in Texas. Why would I sign up for the torture? Do they get that much pleasure from it? I also liked San Antonio's clinic area better...more realistic. Kevin called later this afternoon to get the scoop and had that "fatherly" disappointment when I did not declare Baylor my obvious choice. Erik hasn't been impressed by anything so far. I don't really know what he's expecting to see, but he hasn't seen it yet. On to Houston...

So it's been a while...

Here I am a week out from my Baylor and Houston interviews and I'm really not thinking about it at all. I do have my strength/weakness answer all planned out. And I think my "Why dentsitry?" answer is better. I have to remember that "How did you arrive at dentistry?" and "Why did you pick dentistry?" are two totally different questions. I also got a skirt for my suit, so that is an option, but I still haven't decided if I'm going to follow that path. Does it really matter? Probably not, but I just can't get it out of my head. I guess it's pretty silly. Work is good. I hate it when I have nothing to do. I hate it even worse when I actually get to assist and I haven't finished setting up and she's just ready to go. I just look like an idiot. And feel like one, too. I really know what I'm doing, but when things get hectic and she's drillin like a fiend, sometimes I just can't keep up. Anyway, sitting is really boring, and I know it's partly because we slowed things down a bit for the end of her pregnancy, but I hate it when I feel like I'm just taking up space and getting paid for it. I met Dr. Parrish on Thursday. She seems really nice, but definitely not the bubbly personality that Mandy is. She's a little on the tougher side. She did go to San Antonio, so I hope to talk to her about that. I need to be more assertive in seeking advice and letting her teach me rather than pretending to be a dental assistant and biding my time until 1) Mandy gets back and I only work 3 days a week and 2) I leave for dental school. It will also be really nice to see dentistry from another perspective on a regular basis.

I signed up for Mission of Mercy in November and I'm really looking forward to doing that. Since I haven't been able to make it back up to Dallas to work with Kevin and Manos de Cristo sure didn't work out, it will be really good to be able to serve others this way. They convert the Dell Diamond into a huge clinic and we treat people for 2 days. I think it will be really neat. They do the same thing in Dallas in February, so I hope to sign up for that one, too. And next summer, I'm definitely going to Acuna, if not Romania.

I really am just ready to get these interviews over wtih!!

Back to San Antonio

I woke up at 5:00 am, showered, and drove to San Antonio (with a stop at Starbucks along the way) to shadow today. I really hoped that this trip would give me better perspective of the school and it worked! I got there and found the Student Affairs office to meet my DS 1 and go to class. Well, she didn't show, so the receptionist walked me to the lecture hall where I sat on the back row for one of the most boring lectures I've ever sat through - biochemistry. 1/2 the class was missing and the rest were surfing the net and checking emails on their laptops. They should have just stayed in bed. After biochem, the rest of the class joined us for epidemiology which was given by a very feminine man and in the middle of the break, Jennifer found me and I sat with her for the rest of the lecture. She was very nice, a little excessively so, but was very excited to try to be of help. She sat with a girl named Elizabeth and we all went to lunch together. They were full of pros and cons for the school which was helpful, but their disgust for gross anatomy was lamentable. : ) I headed back to the Student Affairs office to meet my DS 4 for clinic and she didn't show, so I was escorted down to the clinic to meet Courtney. Come to find out....she's in Dr. Funk's group. So I got to spend all afternoon with him and his DS 4s. I talked with her about being married and in dental school and she was very nice and had lots of helpful information. She took an impression of a crown prep. Dr. Funk walked me around the bays and I was able to display some of my vast dental knowledge ; ) He introduced me to all the professors on the floor and Dr. Glass who stopped by. I watched a surgical root tip extraction and it was time to go. I left wtih a much more confident feeling about San Antonio's perception of me and my perception of San Antonio. On to the next....

Bored

100 days until acceptance letters go out! But who's counting?

I guess we're going to Houston...

Well, I have the 3 Texas schools covered. Got a letter from Houston today. Since it's the school that I'm least interested in purely because of the location - Houston - I'm a little frustrated that it's the Monday right after my Baylor interview. I'm going to be exhausted! We'll drive to Dallas on Thursday night, I'll interview all day Friday, then we'll join the church festivities on Saturday and Sunday and drive to Houston for my bright and early interview. Just need to hear from Oklahoma and Kentucky...if I hear from them at all!

Coming soon:

Monday: Turn in my RDA documents so I'm official!
Sept 5: Biochemistry starts
Sept 15: Baylor interview
Sept 18: Houston interview
Sept 22: I turn 27...oh my gosh
October 15: cut off for applications
Dec 1: D day!

Ready for takeoff!

Sooo...just hanging out here and working. I take my radiology exam on Thursday and get this mess over with. I'll be a "Registered Dental Assistant" as my name tag already proudly proclaims. Erik is working so hard to get our house ready to sell. I feel bad that I'm not really helping, but I can't with most things. September 15 is only a month away. I'm actually going back to San Antonio on the 25th to shadow a 1st and 4th year. I think it will really help to spend a day in class in a more relaxed manner and get a better feel for what it will really be like. Plus, it's more interest in the school for all to see! I'm kinda anxious for class to start...September 5th. I just hope that it has enough students enrolled so the class makes. That would stink if it didn't. I don't know what Baylor would think about that and I know Houston and Oklahoma wouldn't like it. : ) So I just waste my time meeting up with old friends on myspace and facebook, baking cakes, and waiting. I am definitely in a holding sequence and I am so ready to go somewhere....anywhere....just somewhere....

The San Antonio Interview - A Summary

We arrived in San Antonio around 3:00 on Sunday afternoon and checked into our sufficient but slightly disappointing hotel. The medical center was pretty overwhelming and I was glad that Erik came with me. We drove into a pretty iffy part of town to get to the hotel, so we didn't get the best first impression. Then, we drove downtown and raced to see all the missions before they closed at 5:00. We then got caught in the rain, but headed to the Alamo and Riverwalk anyway. We found a good Mexican restaurant and I had a margarita to calm my nerves a bit. I wanted to drive around the neighborhoods near the medical center, but Erik was right and it was time for bed. What a wreck. I just didn't sleep well at all, and had this weird nervous feeling all morning. I wasn't excited, I wasn't scared, and I wasn't truley nervous, it was just really weird. So when I got out of the car to go into the school, and kissed Erik goodbye, I started to get a little choked up, but kind of reluctantly got out and went inside. I was the 5th of 12 to arrive and enjoyed chatting with the other applicants. I met my friend, Jeff, but we really didn't chat much. We all sat down at this big board room table (me at the head) and we waited for the admissions/financial/academic people to come give there unbearably long schpeels which pretty much wore us out. Finally, lunch and two students came and ate with us. They were really nice and I did a good job of asking questions and participating. Then, two more students came and we broke into groups to tour the school. I didn't know it, but the girl, Emily, ended up being my student interviewer. I asked good questions on the tour. Compared to the clinic areas and the offices, the rest of the school was pretty blah, but absolutely sufficient for a good dental education. It was time for the student interviews and Emily was really nice. She asked if I applied to med school and how I arrived at dentistry. We hit it off pretty well and I felt good about it. She walked me to Dr. Funk's office, who according to Emily and Steve was the "class clown" at the school. I was expecting someone a little bit more personable, but he had a really dry humour. He was very nice and we had a lot in common, but he didn't ask me a lot of questions. He wanted me to ask all the questions. I tended to ask him more personal questions rather than questions about the school, but I just don't really know how it went. I'm sure it was fine. I laughed at his jokes, but I don't think I did a very good job at selling myself, although I wasn't given the best opportunities, since he didn't really ask me questions about myself. I'm such a better listener than a talker, and that's kinda what came out in that interview. He walked me back to the dean's office and we chatted along the way. Then we filled out a survey and a short essay question and I left. I didn't really know what to tell Erik, because I just had this weird feeling after it was all over. I still have a hard time explaining to people what I thought about it. It's no love affair, but I just need more to compare it to. Therefore, it is very good that when we got back to Round Rock and I checked the mail, I had a letter for an interview from Baylor on September 15. Mom is ecstatic. Erik wasn't completely impressed with the experience either, so it seems that we are all open to all the options God throws my way. Then it's decision time.

On my way...

We leave Sunday for San Antonio to get acquainted with the area a little bit before the big day that's really not that big, but still is. I have the outfit, I have the experience, I have the background about the school, I just hope that we hit it off and they ask me good questions. I emailed Jeff to see if he wanted to meet and chat before hand, but I haven't heard from him, yet...Next time I'm on, we'll know!

Waiting...

Just waiting. Several others have gotten letters from Baylor. I'm just checking the mail everyday. And daily reminded that I can't do this without God. Leprechaun or no leprechaun.

I have an interview at San Antonio!

Yesterday, I got my interview letter for San Antonio! Today, I bought 6 different suits and did a fashion show for Erik. We've narrowed it down to two. : ) I'm super excited, and I really need to go through and practice some questions. I'm just super tired. Luckily, I have the day off Thursday and Friday to recuperate. Friday I'm taking my assisting class. I also got a letter from Houston today saying they have my application. So here's the rundown:

San Antonio: has application, interview 8/7/06
Baylor: has application
Houston: has application
Oklahoma:
Kentucky:

Tuxedo from SDN has an interview on the same day at San Antonio, so we will get to meet. Haven't heard back from Austin yet. I need to lose ten pounds to look better in my suit.

The Scoop

Mandy wrote my letter on Thursday. It's really nice to have it, although now it seems like such a small thing - the letter was really short and not really anything special. I'm way more thankful for the experience than what she had to say. I got in touch with my old pal Austin from Camp Sweeney to see what he has to say about San Antonio. I hope I can get the inside scoop. Today I took my CPR class for my dental assistant registration and next week I take the class. I still need to send off for the radiology study materials. I have plenty of time. It can't be that hard. I'm going down to UT on Tuesday after work to give them Mandy's letter and release all of them - finally - to TMDSAS, AADSAS and the schools directly. Three weeks until interviews start at San Antonio!

Letters

I got a letter from Baylor today saying that they had my application but needed my letters. Grrrr. She said she'd do it this weekend, but nothing again. Tomorrow I will tell her I got a letter from Baylor, and she will think and maybe even say, "I need to do that this weekend" and it will not get done. I'm seriously thinking about going down to UT on Friday to have the letters sent and be done with it. I'm technically not done with it until I do and I soooooo want to be done with it. I want to get that interview letter! I don't want to be antsy and I want to do things optimally, but gosh I'm ready to move on. Been looking at houses in San Antonio...

4 weeks!

Happy Day

TMDSAS was processed on the 21st and I got a letter today from SA that they have my application. I also got the post card back from Baylor that they got my secondary application. AADSAS got my Blinn transcript on the 22 and it was processed by the 23rd! I need to send my check to OK and then that will be finished! Mandy said she would write my letter this weekend, but I know she had company in town, so we will see if that happened. I hope so! Let me be wrong! Then I can go to UT on Tuesday afternoon and have them release my letters and I'm done! Whew! The next step is interviewing and I saw on SDN that SA starts interviewing as early as August 2nd! That's about a month away! I try to go over a question every day. I need to decide what I'm going to say for the "Tell me about yourself" question. I need to decide what is important and what is not. So now my goalposts are:

July - wait.........work.........
August - Interviews/letters for interviews
September - start Biochem, interviews, Colorado, Mandy has Luke, I turn 27!
October - Interviews
November - go to 3 days a week
December - Letters!!! The best Christmas ever!

TMDSAS

They started processing my application today! DAT scores, basic info...everything but the coursework! Woohoo!

6 Weeks

No word from anyone yet. Jeff from SDN hasn't heard either. I still need a letter from Mandy and don't really know how to approach that. I need to talk about the process more...you know, mention it, to remind her and then be more direct. I really wanted a letter by July...I told her that. Beyond that is pushing it. Work is tiring. I'm really glad that Mandy gave me a job description so at least I'm defined. Granted, there is less assisting, which kinda says something, but I really do feel more comfortable and successful. And I'm learning more about the front office which is important. I feel like we've found the sweet spot. So now I hang out here for a while. In a couple of weeks, my TMDSAS should be processed. I'm still waiting for a transcript from Blinn to go to AADSAS. Baylor got my secondary application. Hmmm....what else. Now that my "time off" is officially over, the burden of "work" has set in. It really makes me want to go back to school. : ) But in reality, in September I'll only be working 3 days a week and going to school on Tuesday and Thursday nights. That will seem more like not working. Then, before I know it, I'll be accepted to dental school. See, right now I mourn the fact that I'm not a student or a teacher on summer break, but let me tell you, come August, there will be two celebrations. One for the fact that I'll get interviews and another for the fact that I will NOT be teaching. Sigh of relief.

I Couldn't Stand It!

I couldn't sleep, just thinking about an adcom reading my essay and noticing the mistakes, so I got up and emailed TMDSAS to correct my essay. It was more important to me that they know that I correct my mistakes than to see that I got my application ready super early with mistakes. I told God that he works through imperfect people to show His glory and if I need this imperfection on my record (the fact that I had to correct my application and make it available later) to show me that He has His hand in all of it still and I need Him still, then so be it. So the next morning I got up and already had an email from TMDSAS that they had reopened my essay. So I fixed it, had mom read it, had Erik read it, I read it again, and submitted it...again. And it's already fixed. I've suffered no delay. Sigh of relief. I also called Baylor and asked about my prerequisites being 5 years old. The lady said that they do want them within 5 years and it will be a knock, but that because I've taken upper level classes recently, it will show them that I'm still in the game and capable of doing well in sciences. And my DAT scores. Come on. And now I'm applying to Kentucky instead of Colorado. I'll have better chances there, since in Erik's words, "You've gotta have a back up." Well, ok. I have two out of state schools. So we'll see. Vishy said he sent in my letter, but as slow as things are, it's not there yet. I still need Mandy's anyway. I think she'll come through pretty quick. And I signed up for biochemistry through UT extension which the lady at Baylor seemed to think I really needed to boost my application. AADSAS hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I'm going with the advice on Student Doctor Network to list my AP credits under my freshman semester. I'm going to try to submit this weekend. And then....the wait! That isn't really that long. August 1st is 7 weeks away. Let's start a possible Interview Invite countdown. 7 WEEKS

TMDSAS has been sent

I was so excited that my application was sent and when I copy/pasted my essay from TMDSAS to AADSAS I found 5 puncuation errors. How did I miss that? I don't want to talk about it. What's done is done. All I can do is pray that they don't notice it. It won't keep me from getting an interview with my scores and grades. I don't want to talk about it.

Please, stop the madness!

If I could just finish this stupid essay, I could turn in my application and be done with it! Please, someone, make me stop!

I asked Mandy to write a letter today.

I emailed Vishy again about my letter. Please send my letter, Vishy.

Blinn's transcript is not showing up. I need to call them.

I need to stop beating myself up when I do silly things at work. Confidence is key. Confidence is key. So is knowing what you're doing...

So much to say...

Violet:"Mr.Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde."
Wonka:"Oh... I don't care."
Violet:"Well, you should care because I'm the girl who's gonna win the special prize at the end."
Wonka:"Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key."

I think I lose confidence in myself almost every day I go to work. Ok, not every day. I have good days. But I swear, every time I'm ready to ask Mandy for a letter, I drop something and lose my confidence. I'm doing great...a lot better. I still feel so much pressure to perform and I haven't been doing very well lately when it comes to performance. But I'm thinking that this is a good lesson I'm learning, because it's a bit of a weakness and I need to get over it before dental school. They'll be brutal. Mandy is definitely not that. So, I'll take it when I can get it.

Kevin's letter is a mess. I'm going to have some explaining to do if they ask me about it. Neurosurgery. You've got to be kidding me.

Dr. Nation's letter is a gem. I haven't heard from Vishy. I should probably check in with him this week.

I'm finished teaching!

I really need to work on my statement.

I can turn my application in on Thursday!!! Eek.

Next time I log in, my application will be submitted and I will continue the waiting game for letters. I think I should still ask Mandy. They can think about it in Vegas. Ah....vacation. Will it ever come?

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, hey --- good-bye...

I'm finished with Organic!!!
The final was easy!!!
I don't have to study anymore!!!
Ahh, life. I've missed it. Now I have time to keep my house clean and work in the yard, and go to the pool, and read a book, and watch TV without feeling guilty about it, and not be so tired, and (lose some weight), and enjoy things again. It wasn't all that bad, I can sure make it bad. So I was on the way back to the car listening to some Watermark on my iPod and once I got off the bus, I got so overwhelmed with the idea that it was over, that I had to hold back the tears. Then once I got in the car and could sing out loud, praises to my God for his faithfulness to bring all this to completion for me 6 years after I started this class, I lost it...just a little bit. It's like when I got to the bottom of the Grand Canyon with a 40 pound backpack loading me down and I took it off and sat down, the loss of that burden was so overwhelming, I just cried. I was exhausted, but the feeling of accomplishment was so great (along with the fear of having to get back to the top with my 40 pound backpack) that I had to release. And so I released. The funny thing is that if I really released it all to Jesus all along the way, it wouldn't be so bad. Sure I rely on Him and He's the only reason it happened - His strength given to me - but I keep a little for myself. And I learn. So that maybe in dental school I'll be better about it.

The Latest

I'm really looking forward to next week when I have school behind me and I can really focus on learning dental assisting. There's a lot more to it than I thought and I hate it that I haven't given it my all. Especially when I do stupid stuff like try to take the wrong tooth (temporary) out. Eek! Man, I do some silly things sometimes. I'm learning to laugh it of and still be confident. Like when the impatient man grabbed the x-ray machine from me to line it up. Jerk. I haven't always been the best at that...the laughing it off part. I'm feeling ok about the organic final. I have two more days to study and a lot to do, but it will be ok. I just need to go over the new stuff really well and go over all the homework and tests. I'll be fine. I'm going to meet with Dr. Iyer on Wednesday at 2:00 to ask him for a recommendation. I figure he knows me better than Dr. Iverson. Plus, if Dr. Nation falls through, I'll be ok. I need to work on my personal statement next week. That's really the only thing I have left for the application. I need to correct a bunch of things, but nothing major. I only teach 5 more times!! It's kinda weird to think I won't be teaching next school year. It'll probably be pretty normal all summer long, but I think the first day of school will be a little bizzarre. In no way will I be sad ; ) it will just be weird. Change, you know.

Genetics is a Success!

Congratulations! I'm sure you're glad to know that because of your good performance in the 4 mid-term exams, you have secured an A as your final grade in BIO 325. This means you will not be appearing for the Final exam. This will likely be the last e-mail you will receive from me regarding BIO 325. I hope this course has been useful in teaching you some of the important concepts in genetics and that taking it will prove useful in some ways in the future. All the best with your other exams and for your future studies.

Vishy

And Now....

The application became available today. Actually, since I was up past midnight last night, I checked it out before I went to bed and filled out all the biographical information. It's so exciting!!! I'll work on it a little bit every day, but I can't get carried away. I have a lot of Organic to do before the final. I found out that Dr. Iverson writes really good letters for his top 20 students or so, so I need to rock the final. The genetics test went well, I'm pretty sure I got an A, but we'll find out soon. It was really easy. I was worried for a while when he pulled the angry email out on us and threatened to take away the curve and make the test harder because some guy sent out an email to his discussion section about the "hint" about the test that we weren't supposed to discuss. Apparently Dr. Iyer had a change of heart and the test was a lot like the 2nd one. My lab friend Oleg had him last semester and said he did the same thing: hard, easy, hard easy. I think that's extremely silly, but whatever. An A is an A. I slept in and missed organic today. We didn't have genetics. I'll go to class on Wednesday. Right now, I need to study organic and watch some classes I missed. Then it's off to work at 2 where, hopefully I'll get to actually do something. My patient I was going to assist with on Thursday ended up not getting her temporary, so I missed out. I need the practice!!! I need to start having practice sessions with Lisa once everything is laid out for a procedure and walk through it with her correcting my mistakes. I hope we have time for that today. Then, my dental assisting book will come on Wednesday or so and that will help. For now, Organic.

Update

So I've been a dental assistant trainee for 2 half-days now, and it's going pretty well. Everyone's really nice, and I know how to do some things, so I feel useful. I did a lot more today than I did yesterday, so if the trend keeps up, I should be doing pretty well pretty soon! Mandy's great, and really tries to take the time to teach me things as she does them. The patients have seemed pretty understanding, as well. They're great guinea pigs.

2 more weeks of school and then it's over. I week until the genetics test, so I need to hit it hard. Haven't really been doing that like I should. It'll have to start tomorrow. I just have so many stupid labs due this Friday, and I can't get around that. I'll have plenty due next Friday, too, right after my test. Eek. It'll happen because it has to, but it's still yucky. This weekend will be genetics-o-rama all weekend long. Sounds like fun!

Strategy

Since I have a test to drop in organic, I've decided to do just that with test 3 and focus on genetics. I need an 89 on this test to get an A and not have to take the final. So. like Erik said, treat this test like the final, and it'll be ok. Of course, I'm going to do the homeworks now and keep up, but I'll study for the test and take it...after the genetics test. Since the last test was so low, I'm praying the Dr. Iyer will make this one more reasonable so he won't have to curve the grades in the end. So I plan on doing everything - outline, vocab, study sheets, notecards, whatever it takes. It'll be as serious as the DAT. Then I'll be finished with genetics by the end of April and all my energy can go into organic for that final. You have to take advantage of the system when you can. Luckily, there is some leeway. It didn't used to be like that...

I visited with Dr. D'Maris on Wednesday and she's writing a letter for me. She's so sweet...I'm glad I asked her. I'll call Dr. Nation tomorrow and confirm his letter. After that, it's Dr. Iverson, and hopefully Mandy, and I'm done! I hope they get them in soon. It's just one more hurdle.

God has brought me so far and I'm so thankful for the blessings He has given me. It's hard to imagine there could be more to come, but then, that's what's so cool about Him. Just when you think He's given you everything He has, he surprises you with more and more and more...for nothing I've done....but just to make His name even greater.

I'm a Dental Assistant!

I'm continuously amazed when God's care for me shines through when He gives me good things. Of course God wants to give me good things, I just find it hard to believe sometimes. So when I added my "job" prayer request to the Sunday school newsletter and Mandy emailed me back that she has a position, it was surprising, but no surprise at all. Everything seems to be falling into place. If anything, I will have steady, non-teaching income and that is the first step! She's so excited about helping me out and I'm so ready to learn! What's really great is that I'll learn the front desk as well as assisting, so I will really get some good experience.

I finally got my packet sent off to Dr. Nation and I have all the others ready to go. I'll send Kevin's and I'm visiting with D'Maris on Wednesday. Dr. Iverson will get his in May after I get my A in Organic ( I got a 97 on the last test!).

New checklist:
A in Genetics (I'm maintaining, but confident)
Visit San Antonio
Letters
Transcripts
Application
HPO information
Add Microbiology to UT transcript
Interview!

2 Tests, 1 final, and 7 lab reports to go! It really is almost over, and I'm so glad I went back and finished it all. It was so worth it.

Sweet Blessings

My daughter Abby is taking the Dental Apptitude Test today from 11:00 to about 3:30. She has studied a long time for this test. She also teaches science and attends UT (she is still an Aggie) taking Organic Chemestry and Genetics. It would be great if she made the score she needs on the first attempt. Please lift her up in prayer today as she takes this test. I believe in the power of prayer. Pray that her mind will be clear and focused. Pray for the strength she will need to endure the day. Pray that the Form of today's test is the easy Form. That last line comes from a mother's heart. Thank you so much for your prayers. No matter how old they get, they are still your babies.

Lisa Williams
Third Grade Teacher
Pullen Elementary

• She has my prayers Lisa! Gig' em Abby! Tara
• Oh, Lisa you must be so proud. What an accomplishment!! I willdefinitely keep her in my prayers. Melissa A Flanagan
• bless her heart..i am in : )Have a great day!<>
• Morning! Well, Abby is first on my mind, heart and prayers this morning. I know she will do well. She is so unbelievable. I'm sure others have taken all of the practice tests, but I've never actually met anyone who has. That had to prepare her in addition to her hours and hours of studying. I'm going to put her on the prayer list at my Bible study this morning. Yesterday praying about spider bites and today the DAT! Great to see you guys two nights in a row! Fun to see Bret and Lisa, too! xoxo Patti Seidler
• Father God, I pray for Abby today as she takes this very important test. She has worked hard preparing for the test and I pray you will bless her efforts. Help her to be comfortable and keep her mind as ease knowing you are there with her. Help her to be able to think clearly and recall all she has learned. I do pray the test will be easy for her because of her preparation and your presence. I pray she will score above a 20. I also begin to pray for the committee that will decide who gets into dental school. I pray they will see Abby as one they must admit. Lord, I know she will use her talents to your glory. Amen Carol Tommey
• Boys and girls,
  My sister is taking the DAT exam today, trying to get into Dental school at 11:00. A quick prayer for a clear mind would be greatly appreciated.
  Bret
• Just wanted to let you know that I've prayed for Abby! Let me know how she does! (I prayed for you too!!!!!) Lisa Bently
• Bret, Best wishes to your sister! Richard Thomas
• I will pray!!! She is going to do FANTASTIC!!! Rhonda Martin
• . . .and I would greatly appreciate you adding my son, Lindsey, to thissame prayer. He is taking the DAT next month! Thank you so much for your prayers. No matter how old they get, theyare still your babies!Patti Spillman
• I am and will be praying!!! Theresa Thacker
• I will certainly pray for her success today.Medley Hart
• Hey Abby,I just wanted to offer you a word of encouragement today and let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! I know you'll do great! Have a great day! Betsy
• Hey Abby,
  How did your test go yesterday? I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping it went well. And then last night, Wade even said something about it (which I thought was unusual). So just wanted you to know we were thinking of you. Hope it went well. Take care.
  Love ya,Brittany
• Dear Abby, I had absolutely no doubt that you would shine on the DAT. I prayed during your test that you would be calm and able to show off yourvery best, because your very best is just so amazing. I know how hard you studied. Your success is well deserved. I was watching your mom as she received your call yesterday afternoon. I could tell by the tears rolling off her chin that your scores were fabulous. We are thrilled for you! Enjoy celebrating that this part is done! Love you, Melody P.S. Keep your cel lphone handy. Angel has given me a list of people to call and told me many times that I am to call YOU on my way to the hospital. I'll be talking to you very soon, Auntie Abby.
• We are all still in such a state of celebration. We rejoice with you knowing that God has honored your tremendous efforts. Everyone is so proud of you. You are (and always have been) so blessed of the Lord with your abilities of the mind. You, however, have been blessed onceagain because you also have the focus it takes to channel that gifttowards your goals. I know, when you are a dentist, God will smile every time He sees you use this gift to minister to others. I love you, and now I want you to take care of You! Spend time withErik and just have some fun. Go shopping, cook, visit friends. Inother words "Get a Life!"Talk to you soon. Mom

To my "team",

Mom forwarded all your responses to her "plea for prayer" and I just sat at the computer and cried feeling so blessed to have such amazing people on my side. So many people who don't even know me prayed for me today and that is the most amazing feeling in the world. During the test I sat at the computer waiting for the second half to begin after my break and thought about everyone that was praying for me and how good the Lord is and I wrote at the top of my scratch paper "The Lord is my shepherd - I shall not want!" I truly lack nothing considering the friends and family He has given to me! And the glory is His. Thanks again for your prayers! It sure worked!

Abby Mann

On to the next!

So, after the test yesterday, I stopped by RRCA and told Susan and Becky that I'm cutting loose of teaching per the wise advice of my husband and I'm charting a new course. I've talked to Mandy and Dr. Jean, both of whom were optimistic about me finding a position. Mandy said she'll need someone this fall if she finds someone to associate with so she can cut back. Sounds like a plan. I'm going to Dallas this weeked to help Kevin in the clinic, so he can teach me how to assist. Then I'll have experience for the mission trip to Acuna. Then I'll have lots of experience so that I can find an assisting job (in case it doesn't work out with Mandy or anyone else). 'Cause I'm sure not teaching. Plans, plans, plans. “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft a-gley.”

How about Organic test next week! Gotta pick up the slack and focus. Studying starts today. Or did it ever really end?

Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done!

Rest for the Weary

All in all, I'd say it's time. My scores fluctuate around 20, so that must be a good thing. I'll take my last test tomorrow and I'm done. Then it's the real thing and I pray that I won't have to talk about scores ever again. His will be done. Next time I'm on, we'll know.

3 days to go....

I cannot believe that it's so close! I've done little else but go over flashcards and take practice tests. Here's the latest:

Bio-22
Chem-19
Organic-25!
PAT-23
Reading-21

I need to continue what I'm doing, take some more tests, especially math, and pray for a reasonable exam on Tuesday! I feel like I'm to the point where I know where my definite weaknesses are and I just need to nail them down: titrations, solubilities, aromatic reactions. I'll go over what I missed on the ADA's test tomorrow, study a ton, take a math test, and another natural science test. I'm not too worried about the reading or PAT, but I do need to make sure the math is fresh so I have the speed I will need to finish that booger when I'm exhausted after four hours of testing. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it's not a train that is about to run me over!

Spring Break Day 2

Tired. Need sleep. No cold. Bio-19 (still) Chem-21 (finally) Organic-19. We'll try again tomorrow. ã

Spring Break Day 1

Studied biology all day and took a practice test. Everything's a 20 which is way better. Unfortunately, I've found that this one book has typos in it, which is frustrating. Really obvious questions are worded incorrectly or the answer key is just wrong. Basic stuff, like catalysts lower the activation energy of a chemical reaction and transcription uses DNA as a template to make mRNA. Really easy stuff where their answers are most definitely wrong. So my scores stated above are adjusted for the ones that I just can't get around. Doing better, but still time to improve. Latest math is a 21/20 after two practice tests, so that's much better. PAT stands at 21 and Reading at 21/20. Word on the street is that it is typical to get 2-4 points higher on the real deal. Let's hope they're right. And that the tickle in my throat is not Erik's cold. To sleep and to fight...

Here we go!

Spring break has arrived and the race to the finish has begun. After my embarassing 16 on the math section, I rallied today with a 21 and I feel like I have a much better grasp of what to expect and the pace I need to take. I actually finished with 8 minutes left this time! Trig sucks. But I'll work on that tomorrow. Erik said he had time to jot down bits of info before the test started, so I think I'll have to draw my triangles for quick reference. More math tomorrow, then science gets hit hard. I at least need to take the 3 practice tests on computer, but I'd like to get in as many as possible. We'll see. They're exhausting, so I don't want to overdo it, but I need to be ready.

I got the go ahead from Dr. Iverson about writing a letter when I get an A. Notice I said "when." I don't think It'll be an issue, although I have a long way to go. Three more tests. I got a 100 on my Genetics test, so that should be in the bag as well. Again, still 2 tests to take, but it should be fine. So far it's a lot of the stuff we learned in Micro. Speaking of, I think I've decided to ask D'Maris instead of Dr. Iyer because her letter will be more personal...maybe Judy, I just don't know. I need to decide quickly, though. As soon as the DAT is over, I need to send out packets to get these letters coming in as soon as possible. Kevin, Dr. Nation (man, I'm iffy on him....) and D'Maris can get those back pretty soon. I'll have to wait on Dr. Iverson for my grade, but that'll be ok. It's nice to have this almost taken care of.

BTW, 100 on my genetics test!

I've talked to Dr. Jean, and the girl next door works at a dental office, so she's on the lookout for me. I'll see if Mandy is at church tomorrow and if not, I'll call her. I ran the waiting to start working until after the mission trip idea past Erik and he was fine with it. It makes sense.

So, lots of work to do!

Checking In

Lots of little things going on, but nothing huge. Here's the score:

• Did very well on my genetics test...no score yet, but based on the answers, I'm doing great.
• 21 on the PAT, 21 on the reading, taking math again tomorrow, hope to take another practice test before the weekend. If I get it to where all I really need to focus on is science during spring break, I think I'll be good. Anything in the 20's!
• Talked with Dr. Jean about the probability of getting an assisting job with no experience and learned about the 3 tests assistants must take to be registered...another hoop, but definitely a possibility. I hope to talk to Mandy this weekend, and maybe even hunt down Dr. Smith at church. We'll see.
• Went to the application meeting for the Health Professions Office at UT. I need to ask for recommendations ASAP from Drs. Iverson, Iyer, and Allen-Mierl. I need to get the stuff to Kevin and Dr. Nation as soon as the DAT is over. So much to do!
• So I'm thinking that this is a possible plan: use the end of May/beginning of June to apply to dental school, maybe volunteer at an office, learn some ropes, go on the mission trip to Acuna and learn to assist with Dr. Smith, get a job as a dental assistant! That's just my plan. Only God knows what's going on, so I'll have to pray and see.

I Have Officially Caught the Wave!

I'm so super excited right now because I just got my first organic test back and I got a ...duh-duh-duh-duh, ta-duh...100.5! Way pumped. It's like when you're running a race and it's a little hard at first, like you get a little cramp and that's discouraging, and then you run through it and everything is just smooth sailing until like the second to last 1/4 of a mile when it really stinks - which is like studying for finals. Taking them is the easy part...you can see the finish line. So I'm in my groove and I'm working hard, but I have to pace myself. So now it's time for pacing. Since I screwed up in genetics last test, I need to make up for some lost time - a little sprinting - but it's doable. So I'm going to go sprint in the library. And then go to office hours. But I'm just so excited I had to get this out of me. Whoop!

By the way, Bio is up to 19, Chem still lagging at 16, but Organic is up to 17! Still studying...A 20 is in sight....

3 weeks...

Performance Anxiety

During this year's winter olympics, I couldn't help but notice how many of the USA team members were dealing with the emotional struggles that come with competing. And not just against other athletes, but against themselves. You can have all the confidence in the world and then one little fall can change your whole mindset and throw you off your game. Sure there might actually be physical factors involved, but so much of it is in your brain. So it is with organic chemistry. And, well, life in general. I took test #1 for organic yesterday. I was so prepared for it, I was sick of looking at it. It was to the point that I could reproduce it on blank paper. Then comes the 16 page test. No kidding. I was flying through the NMR stuff - fill in the blanks, reading the spectra - I was careful, but I knew it. Then comes mechanism #1. Hemiacetal. No problem. Wait. This looks different. What does he want me to draw? I'm so confused. I didn't study this. It's just the cyclic one. It's no different, but how does it fit into his blanks? Crap. Go figure. Well, move on and come back. The problem with that, is that moving on is so frustrating. It's the hardest thing ever. One fall, and the rest can come back to bite you. It didn't, but it takes so much to keep on going and have the confidence that you know it all and will do well in the end no matter what. All is well, then page 16. The last synthesis problem. The others were from the homework. EASY. This one, well, 4 pages of molecules later, I was at a loss. I had an hour left to finish the test and that time was quickly ticking away. And I still hadn't finished that other problem. I wasn't going to have time to check all my answers. I'm never going to be a dentist. Crap, crap, crap. But you have to keep going. I started flipping back through the test for a possible clue to the one step I knew I was missing to accomplish that one conversion. An epoxide! There it was glaring at me on the page. That's what I needed. I went back and flew through the mechanism (missing one little bit - but that's ok). The confidence was back. That first problem on second glance was no big deal. Protonate, lose water, attack, lose a proton. It was no different than what I practiced. Just go with the flow. There is a great sense of accomplishment once the struggles and self-doubt are overcome and you make it to the end. It's a little bittersweet - I mean you had to go through the disappointment and struggle (although my disappointment was nothing like losing the gold - I was just disappointed that I freaked out and didn't get it right away when I had studied so hard), but you worked through it. You are better for it. You hope you don't have to go through it again, but it was ok. It could have been better - don't get me wrong. But it's done. I went home and watched the women's figure skating finals and saw Sasha and Irina fall and finish their programs. With a smile. Man, that's hard. All you can do is keep going. And do better next time.