Dental School - Episode One

I really wish I had done a better job keeping up with the hang-ups and hoopla of the first semester of dental school, but for the most part, that was out of the question. The first days of orientation were exciting and nerve wracking and hard in some ways. There were so many people to meet and as bad as I am at that, even though I tried really hard, it didn't work out the best some days. Other days, it wasn't so bad. But I pushed through it all and enjoyed it for the most part and ended up meeting some really nice people. And sitting through a lot of talking. As school really started, I was absolutely exhausted. But there was no time for that! I got myself organized and jumped into the game - and what a game! Thank God I adapted well and found my group of friends and made sure to have time for Erik and relaxing and - for a few months at least - exercise and even a little tai chi. I started going to the Christian Medical and Dental Association and got elected to the curriculum committee for the D1s and Erik and I began our church hunt that ended up in Rockwall. At First Baptist... We made it a priority to spend Sundays with my family and that worked out really well. I started out with a great quiet time that dwindled to quiet pleas to God to help me through the day/night/test/tooth/quiz/lecture. In other news, Erik took on the stereotypical "wife" role and took over laundry and dinner and dishes. He brought me my dinner on the couch where I was studying every night. He always had clean scrubs for me and cleaned up every mess the cats made. Amazing. There were a few quiet moments where I would just turn to God in tears - not out of despair, but just exhaustion, thankfulness for His strength, and amazement that He was carrying me through it all. Not that I doubt His promises, just my worthiness of His blessings. Which is dumb, I know. As a freshman at A&M I clung to the "I am the vine" passage in John - "without Me, you can do nothing." The coolest part of that is the promise in Matthew - "and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." So at least that means I can do something, right? : ) So even though we miss Austin, don't have very many friends, and live like students, the point is that we're doing something that will, God willing, be a part of His kingdom coming. For now, I enjoy a slower pace that won't last much longer. Then the push to spring break is on...mission trip! Then the push to my last full summer break ev-er. Hopefully I'll be painting and landscaping the new house in Chandler's and spending time with my new niece or nephew. Yeah, buddy.

Summary of the Progression of Dental School

This is my life. Soon it will be over and the rejoicing will begin.

We live in the present, we look to the future, and there's no turning back, doo wah, doo wah....

I found myself praying in bed last night in complete surrender. The really cool part about it was that I totally felt like it was all the Spirit inside me just pushing everything else aside, and I could even kinda hear my flesh protesting in the background, but it just wasn't able to overcome my true heart's desires. Really, really cool. We talked about how I really do live the past a lot. I remember when times were really good and long for that and end up neglecting right now. I'm not living. I'm just remembering a lot and surviving through right now. I guess it's that whole puropse driven life thing, huh? I always feel a purpose, but I get caught up in the details of things: friends, churches, Bible studies, service, theology. All are great things, by the way, but they are by no means the meat. I've been really nostalgic as we pack up to move next week and it is great and all to remember the times God really blessed us and think about all the lessons learned and what I would do differently next time if placed in a similar situation. All valuable, valuable things to do. I mean, that's what we're all taught to do. But, I think the living part is the most important. I think that's what I ended up doing my sophomore year in college that turned everything around for me - I decided what was most important and I built my life around that. Whatever the cost. So I guess that's what I did last night with God. Whatever success, whatever profits, whatever friendships, whatever...it will be for His benefit. No more shying away from what all this is really about. And I prayed the same for Erik. That in whatever path he finds himself on, he will have passions that will serve to bring glory to God. And I prayed for passions. God-centered, kingdom-focused passions. However glorious or inglorious. When you wake up the next day after these moments it's really surreal, and feels strange as normal life just keeps going and in the back of your head you know things have to be different. But it is different. Right here, right now, tomorrow and all the days to come. What a message of hope and grace that silly little saying of Rev. Bob's contains! We live here and now, we hope for better things and all the blessings and opportunities God has for us, and we can't get caught up in sin and regret because Jesus took care of all that and it will only keep us back from the best He has in store. For me!

Crossing Point

Erik's last day at Dell is tomorrow. His work buddies took him to lunch and happy hour and he's already cleaned out his desk for the most part. He's getting 50 calls a day from people in Dallas wanting to consider him for positions. He'll really start calling them back on Monday and this job thing might happen pretty quickly. I just pray he finds the right one...temporary or not. So it turns out that the builder that interviewed Erik is doing so badly that the guy who interviewed him (and who had just started his job, by the way) quit because the money wasn't coming in to pay contractors. We're just going to have to wait this housing slump out for a while. We might even be able to find cheap, local labor to build our "spec" house since biz is bad. The lake is so full right now that it looks like the 4th will be a bust, at least as far as boating and picnicing goes. Pretty crazy. Well, it seems that all the waiting is just about over. I have my loans, my book list that I really won't need, even my big sib's name. We've paid our last month's rent and gave notice...we just need a truck and some guys with really big muscles. We found a great place near Nana - really neat people, I think. I really feel like God just opened the door on that place...just a took a little convincing to get us through the door ; ) VBS is coming to a close, and, like I told Nichola today, I feel like our friends have already written us off. Not in a mean way, just a natural, you're not around much any more and you're leaving, so we'll all just move on kinda way. We'll see all the really good friends one more time before we're out. One more time seems really sad right now. I am the worst at goodbyes.

2 Interviews

Well, Erik has had two interviews that really mean anything. The hedge fund put us up in a hotel at the Galleria and he interviewed for 5 hours with 5 different people....yeesh! I shopped and ate and was generally antsy because I was supposed to be meeting up with Casey. We had just enough time to make it to Rockwall for his interview with a builder! They all went well...just anxiously waiting to hear something. See, as far as moving on goes, Erik needs the job, so we'll know where to live (somewhere in the middle), and then we can find a place and set a date to move. It will set the ball rolling. I'm also anxiously waiting for my financial aid package from Baylor which may or may not come this month...maybe next. Everyone else has theirs, though, so I'm jealous and fidgety. We go camping with Bret and Lisa in 10 days, for California in 16, and Erik quits his job at Dell in 37. School starts in 72 days. Lots to happen in 2 1/2 months. I know it will all come soon enough....

Waiting....Really?

The past month has been unique and I'm sure the next 2 will be even better. Lago is amazing. We love taking walks by the lake and kayaking. We'll even take picnics down to the beach and eat dinner there in the middle of the week. I've worked, probably 3 days a week on average, which is what I would have been working at Mandy's. On my days off, I've discovered the fitness center in our neighborhood and I've finished Nanna's quilt. Living in Lago and traveling to Houston and Dallas all the time (ok, mainly Dallas) have practically excluded us from church. I made my last baby shower cakes this month and that's pretty much the only time we've seen church people. We've spent more time with the Roeders which is good. It's a pretty isolated and slow time which is good and hard. Now that I'm finished with school, I think it'll slow down even more. In-between times are hard, especially when you're not really sure when it will be over and where you'll end up. I'm so glad to get to work on the projects and activities that are important to me. I'm also glad that I get some time to really focus and grow and work through some things emotionally and spiritually.

I've been wrestling with some issues and it's been neat to see God bring me - not necessarily answers, but clues; reminders of His glory and mystery. I think we so eagerly assume that God has just laid it all out for us. I think a lot of Christians make that leap in just about every area of life. It makes us feel so much better about it. We classify things as "God's will" and pray for revelation to explain what He's doing at different times in our lives and we're satisfied. I think we simplify Scripture based on childish explanations we've heard all our lives and deny that there is more than we could ever understand on our own - on this Earth. At least our denial is revealed in our prideful insistance that there's a simple answer for every spiritual problem this world encounters and that our answer is the only right one. Every aspect from salvation to sacrament to social reform. Everything gets so boxed-in and leaves absolutely no room for God to be who He really is in our little worlds. Of course He's always doing His thing no matter what, but we sure block a lot out everyday. Kinda like sunscreen. Like too much of Who He really could be for us would burn us like harmful UV rays, when in reality it would just make us shine brighter. And...maybe some of those "deadly" rays could actually break through and cause permanent changes in our genetic makeup from which we could never return. Wouldn't that be amazing? And it would spread all throughout our bodies...unstoppable...until we were completely changed to be like Him. My analogy is a little nerdy, but it holds. I just think that our attempts to make God more "accessible" to the masses by describing His ways in human words and analogies has taken away the mistique, the audacity, and the unexplainable that makes God, well, God. How dare we demand simple answers. I know our language is all we have to tell others about Him, but sometimes we rely too much on it when we should just be absorbing His rays so that He can do all the talking. So I guess this summer I'll be working on my "tan". As long as we're here, it will never be easy. It's like laying out in a forest. And I think we too often resort to the spray on tan or "subtle self-tanners" or bronzers...you know, the fake stuff that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy about God but doesn't really do the trick. It's just not the same. And it comes off too easily. I need to go to bed before my analogies get too bizarre.

A New Plan

Erik came home last Thursday and asked if he could quit his job. He's been miserable, really miserable. He's the only one doing the work of a team and he's had so many late night launches, they gave him time off. So, he went in today, gave his boss 4 weeks notice, and she countered with 8 weeks. So that's what he's doing. That means we might have to up our move date if Erik gets a job in Dallas by June. We'll go to California/PNW and probably come back and move. Our last day of our lease is July 31 anyway. There are 5 weeks left of school. No job today. I'm just glad that Erik is heading where he wants to go. He's excited. The building industry is in the toilet right now, so it'll be hard to find a building job, but we've found a couple and he's persuing. If that doesn't work, there are a million IT jobs in Dallas and he's gotten a million calls and emails today. I think he'll be fine. There are always loans...loans...loans...

Waiting for my Toenails to Dry

It's almost 11:30 and I can't go to bed because I painted my toes and they have to dry. I can't get impatient, because when I do, I always end up with sheet marks in the paint no matter how hard I try to keep meet feet out from under the covers. So I wait with a headache (yes, I took Tylenol) and drink my water like a good girl and go through every website I've already been through today. I was reading our friends' blog about their latest move cross-country and how well everything went and he used the word "favored" by God. It's hard in the midst of all this to not think that God is not favoring us, but when you really get down to it, we're still coming out ahead in all of this. Just because things are crazy doesn't mean that this move is the wrong thing, or dental school is the wrong thing - it's just a thing. I was pondering in bed last night about some of this and thought about how with each turn we take, God must, in His guiding love, make sure that we're ready for what we're going to face. He prepares us, even in little ways we may not notice, but He does. Before all this, I'd never worked for someone completely unreasonable, I'd never had a job where I had to learn something totally new and foreign, I'd never had to work through anything so emotionally draining. Erik and I had never dealt with major plumbing or structural problems in a home, never had to work through so much uncertainty and keep each other focused and positive. We've learned a lot about crazy real estate problems and what are good and bad ways to handle them. For two people facing dental school and the possibility of working in real estate - I think we should be thankful for the short courses we've endured these past few months.

I still don't think my toenails are dry, but they're better than when I started this post!

Spring Break

My week off is here and I need to get out of this house. It's so beautiful today after the rain and I will go run and enjoy it! The house situation has brought new bad news almost every day. Today we got the first good news and next, I should get some more and hopefully we'll hear that we'll be closing on Friday. Hallelujah! I realized that we'll be starting to look for a new place in like a month and a half or so. Erik hasn't worked on his real estate stuff in a while though, so we'll se how that goes. I get my physical in a couple of weeks and I'll be ready to go to orientation. I'm starving for more info about classes. We get our book list in mid-June along with our orientation schedule. Maybe at that point we'll have a place and we'll be going up regularly to work on it so we'll be ready to at least live/camp there in August. So now I'm just chilling. Did some quilting this morning, I'll do some more tonight. Maybe again tomorrow. Then I'll mix it up with some scrapbooking and reading in the park. Always with running and tai chi thrown in.

Yesterday, Luke was dedicated at church. First I saw Matt, then Mandy, then Amy. I told Erik and he said to just avoid eye contact. As I played my horn, I got really nervous thinking, "If I mess up, then they'll really think I can't do anything right." I was really ashamed of my thinking, but still found my hand shaking as I finished the special that had a major horn part in it. I played fine, not perfect, but great for as tense as I was. After the service, we went to get my horn, avoiding them, of course. But while we were visiting about going to the park for lunch, Erik said later that he saw her head towards me and turn around a couple of times, before she came over, poked me on the shoulder, and the pleasantries began. She said she just wanted me to see Luke. So I cooed at him and laughed and she said she'd see me later. I don't know why she felt compelled to do that because it sure didn't make me feel good or better or anything. If it eased her conscience in any way, that's fine. I was on the verge of tears when we finally got in the car. But Erik did his best to steer me away from it and put it all behind me again. I can't let her condescending disapproval and dissatisfaction plague me. All I can ever do is "work at [whatever I do] with all [my] heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23 Not for her. Not for me. Just Him.

So, on I go...balancing expecation and satisfaction with now.

That's what you thought!

Well, that sad but exciting moment of leaving our house didn't exactly happen. The waters came and we fought like crazy to save our house and we did a pretty good job. The drama is now over and the workers are coming everday to fix the dry wall. The Stultzes are camping out there and we'll probably close this week. In the meantime....I got my new student packet from Baylor!! I got it yesterday and I've already completed everything except the physical form, which I'll call to make an appointment for tomorrow. What a blessing that I've already got my shots up to date, I already have my healthcare provider CPR certification, and (thanks to our honeymoon fiasco) I even have a copy of my birth certificate! I just copied off everything, stuck it in the appropriately addressed envelopes, slapped a stamp on it, and in the mail it goes tomorrow! So in the midst of what could be very stressful and life consuming, we've managed to push on and enjoy our beautiful new home in Lago. The golf course is closed, but still beautiful and a great place for hills training. The views on the way to work in the morning are amazing and it's just as nice to go home. At this point, the time here feels like it's slipping away and even though I'm super excited and so ready to start school, I know I will regret it if I don't use it right.

On we go!

The days are passing very slowly, now, although they have sped up considerably as we approach the closing date on our house and we have to be out of here. Lots of craziness has been going on: our house sold in 10 days, Erik's jeep sold in 3 days and we had to rush to Dallas to buy his new truck. We found a great duplex in Lago Vista on the golf course with a front yard peek at the lake and we're starting the process of moving this weekend. It should be a lot of fun, especially once school is out and I won't have to drive to Georgetown for work. We'll have all the Lago ammenities: lake, parks, fitness center, walking trail...it's really great. It will be sad to see this house empty, but it will make this whole adventure a lot more real as we step out on the first leg of our journey. I hope to finish my financial aid application and packet for Baylor tonight so I can get that out. With all of this moving and buying a car we are quite depleted and we are now living the life of poverty that will come with dental school. :) Work is a daily reminder that I'm making a very wise decision. So, one more week until move-out and 2 until 605 Rock Face Court is no longer our home.

New Year, New Countdown

Upon the creation of the facebook group for the Baylor College of Dentistry Class of 2011 and the subsequent snooping that ensued, I have discovered that I am beyond ready to start classes and meet my fellow classmates. Looking at about 1/10 of the class, almost all are Ags, lots of Christians, and at least two people know people that I know. It seems like a lot of nice people and I'm just ready to sell, move, and get started. I know, however, that there are a lot of goodbyes and good times still to be had here in Austin and I'm also really looking forward to that. The possibility of living out by the lake for a few months is intoxicating and I'm almost as obsessed with that as I am with starting school. Mmmm...boat.... We'll see. For now, I enjoy my day off on this icy MLKJr Day. And the new countdown to August 6 begins.