For some reason, the competitive nature of "getting in" brings out this monster in me. I remember in my undergrad, when I wasn't doing as well as some of my classmates, that I would get so discouraged and mad at myself that I didn't do as well as I know I could have and throw in this careless attitude about it all, that eventually led to me making excuses about why medicine wasn't for me and I was out of the game. The problem with all that was that I still had done well. Maybe not as well, but well. Anything that didn't meet my unrealistic expectations was termed as failure and it was time to try something new. So here I am now, a little bit further down the line and a lot closer to the finishing line. There's absolutely no reason for me to give up now. But it's so funny how I can still play that attitude. Playing the piano Christmas eve, I did ok. Definitely not up to my expectations, but it was fine. But for weeks now, I've let it get to me and I finally realized that it's the same old monster in a little different form. Why has he been able to get in again? Because when I get all competitve and and focused on performance, I forget that I'm not doing it for me anyway. And if I do it for me, it will be worthless. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remain in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit: APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING." John 15:something. Why play the piano? For the glory of the Lord. Why become a dentist? For the glory of the Lord. It sounds funny...dentistry...for the glory of the Lord? But if it's not, then what is it? A waste of everyone's time. And that's a lot of time. I've wasted too much time as it is. Ok, maybe that's not true, but it's time to press on.
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